paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3pm strippers are depressing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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