And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
