a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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