The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
