I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
