Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just tell him i said nine months
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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