Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
