The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
