Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
