Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
