He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
