Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
