Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
