Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
