I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
