You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
