where does the pee come out of this thing
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
God I need to hump something, right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
