Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
