My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
