it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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