I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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