Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
two words...techno handjob
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
