Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
