apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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