The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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