apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
