I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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