I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
