Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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