also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
