I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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