You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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