we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
