i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
