mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
