im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
