Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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