She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
