We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
