I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two words: blizzard sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
