No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
