Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
