Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
