she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
