Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
