I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
