I look better un-naked...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
