sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
