So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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