i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
