I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
