the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
