somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
