even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
