Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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