and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
