Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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