Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
