A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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