What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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