my mouth tastes like poor choices
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
