im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
