I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
