i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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