It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
